While I have been living in Türkiye for well into the double-digits of years, am fluent in the language, quite familiar with the culture and had a father of Turkish heritage to boot, I still always feel like a foreigner and at times even a "stranger," which is yet another definition of the word "yabancı," a term we as expats are always referred to.

Plans can be strange

While one day I aspire to fully assimilate, in the meanwhile, I constantly try to recognize where some of our cultural and communication differences lay. The biggest challenge for me as a foreigner hailing from the United States, a western one at that, is that I tend to believe everything that is said, however, time and time again, I am learning that it is best to take promises with a proverbial grain of salt. In other words, promises made, while done so with the best intentions, are not always delivered. This is especially true when it comes to making plans. You see the Turks believe that everything is predestined by Allah and that whether plans come to fruition or not is actually out of our hands. This is why at the end of many proposed plans will come the word "inshallah" uttered by a Turk, which I now know means that the plans might not actually be as set in stone as I would like to believe. This is in no way a shortcoming of the Turks as not only do they like to live spontaneously, but sometimes life here in Türkiye just does not allow for making concrete plans. Time and time again as a foreigner I have believed that the plans made will truly happen and arrange my life accordingly, but then suddenly things change, something else pops up for others or they just weren’t as committed to the engagement as I thought.

'Now' is the time

So, in order to combat the indefiniteness of plans, if I actually do need something from a Turk, I try to ask ahead of time and give them the option of making the plan for any time in the next few days, rather than give a specific date. In this case, the response I tend to get is not only an immediate "yes," but also in most cases the opportunity to do the plan right then and there, which wasn't necessarily what I was actually requesting. In other words, while my intention is to make a plan with a Turk in the next day or two, they tend to respond with let’s just do it right now and then in return, I become the one shying away from the plan because I was actually trying to make it ahead of time. This affinity for spontaneity here in Türkiye has truly changed the way I operate in this regard and now instead of just hoping to make a plan in the future, I actually don’t even call and ask about making a plan unless I am absolutely ready to jump out the door as chances are their answer will be "yes" and let's do it right now!

This has also resulted in me developing an insecurity regarding the validity of future plans, which extends to restaurant or hotel reservations made well ahead of time, as I end up calling to reconfirm closer to the actual date of said plan to make sure it is still in place. Turks love to help and when you ask a question the answer will most likely be "yaparız," which means "we’ll do it," but I have learned the concept of "inshallah" and that the outcome may not be in their hands and thus to not get my hopes up and be ripe for disappointment in any case.

Cool with questions

While some Turks like to ask personal questions, others are decidedly cool about asking anything and divulging too much information. Maybe it’s my journalistic background, but I tend to feel like a question machine that asks way too many questions, sometimes the same one repetitively. It’s just sometimes I don’t fully understand the answer and truly seek clarification, especially as at times some Turks can seem blase about what to me is a very pertinent topic.

Be aware of volume

I can also admit to the fact that as an American, I tend to speak in a tone of voice that is much louder than how the Turks speak. I certainly recognize how other foreigners sound, with their English bellowing louder than the subtle Turkish chatter, which is something I definitely try to pay heed to here in Türkiye by keeping my voice as low and subdued as possible so as to not ruffle any feathers from a decibel respect.

Mystery in simple words

There are two Turkish expressions I personally tend to use a lot but now believe I may not be using in the way I intended. One such Turkish term is "oha," which I conveniently thought translated in English to the expression "wow." I just figured, "why not?" as it seems to work as a way to express amazement. However, I have painfully learned that there may be a bit of a rude connotation there as I have been asked afterward by Turks why I chose to use that particular expression. I believe the correct Turkish translation for the English term of amazement and surprise might be "vay canına" or "ne güzel" and I recommend refraining from the aforementioned three-letter Turkish word to make sure there is no intended disrespect delivered to the situation.

Another term I tend to use a lot and I have no idea where I got it from is "şapşal," which I believed to mean "silly." I would use it if I made a mistake or did something foolish unintentionally but realize now that every time I utter it I get the Turkish response "estağfurullah" or even worse, Turks will go so far as to also question why I have chosen said word. Now "estağfurullah" is an interesting Turkish word that doesn't seem to have a direct correlation in English. While it can mean "you're welcome" or "not at all," Turks will use it in the latter sense and say estağfurullah to contradict whatever negative comment I may have made about myself. All I can say is that while in English we can tend to put ourselves down by calling ourselves "silly" or by saying we did something "stupid," a Turk will most always retort back with estağfurullah, to sort of negate any derogatory comment we may have made about ourselves.

Lost in translation

I know as an American sarcasm can be a big part of friendly conversation, but for the Brits, I believe it has become an artform. Even as a Yank, I can sometimes lose sight of the divide between direct communication and witty sarcasm. However, for Turks, trying their best to accommodate us expats and communicate in English, I can imagine that understanding where sarcasm comes into play can be difficult. This is an important factor to consider for us foreigners and thus we should be aware that sarcasm does not exist in the same frequency in Turkish as it does in English banter.