Everyone around the world has suffered many losses because of the coronavirus pandemic. Even if the first thing that comes to mind is death when we think of loss, everything that we have emotionally invested in and no longer belongs to us can be described as a loss, as well. Firstly, we all lost our freedom, we could not go out as we wanted and we could not establish relationships. We lost the sense of control, including of our own body, amid the uncertain disease, domestic and global rules, enforcements and restrictions. Some of us lost our jobs, some lost their loved ones. We lost our social roles. We said goodbye to our roles as judges, hairdressers, tradespeople, teachers and students. We lost the sense of feeling safe. Depression means loss. When we face a loss, our first reaction will be denial or contempt. But over time, emotions concerning loss begin to emerge. When we can not control or regulate these emotions, depression begins. Our emotional and behavioral reactions to these losses are shaped in our childhood.
People develop the ability to recognize their good and bad emotions and tolerate the bad ones if they established a bond based on love and compassion with their primary caregivers between the ages of 0-6. A person who develops this ability in childhood can easily get over a loss when they become an adult.
We experience our first loss at birth. We lose the mother's womb and the comfort there. As we grow, the limitations of real life make us feel lost. The child learns to suppress emotions if their caregivers did not address these losses with a healthy approach. The pent-up emotions are triggered by the losses experienced in adulthood.
During this period, there might be many negative feelings associated with the personal losses experienced by the parents. And they can transfer these to the child without realizing it. They can do this with a gesture, look, tone of voice or physical contact. Our brains copy the emotion of those with whom we are most attached. Especially in early childhood (0-3 years), the child can not distinguish their own feelings from others. So, in this period, the child tends to internalize every emotion that comes from a loved and caring object.
Firstly, recognizing and labeling the emotion is important for the brain to process and regulate it. I can not fix the thing I do not know. Naming the incoming emotions is helpful for emotional discharge.
However, finding the associated memories is healthy in the long run. For example, during the coronavirus period, I was anxious and lost my sense of feeling safe. This is normal in the first instance. But, even if I gathered scientific information and took the required precautions, still my emotions never calmed down. By questioning how much of this loss corresponds to reality and is about my childhood, it allows me to look at depression from a different perspective.
To find the connection, you can try to figure out how you experienced the feeling of loss in your childhood. For example, let's say that the feeling of losing control is overly disturbing. This means that in your childhood you experienced the feeling of loss or you have relatives who experienced this feeling. So, however you registered the feeling then is how you perceive it now. Occasionally, think about the moments that you lost control as a child. How could the child have experienced this feeling? Your mind will give you the answer after a couple of weeks. Making the connection will give you the opportunity to change what you experience today.
Similarly, you can try to seek out how this feeling was experienced when you were a child, and in some cases who triggered it. Your mind is familiar with this feeling. Even if this is not a situation you experienced directly, your mind witnessed and recorded that. In your childhood, who was the controller, and who would be as affected as you are now when you lost control? Where did your brain learn this? After figuring out who this person is, try to separate it out. For example, "the feeling of losing control belongs to my mother. My mother's and my own feelings are different. My mother and I are different people."
Physical activity is very important. Our body is an emotional harbor. It unconsciously records every emotion that cannot be named in the body. Constantly staying at home causes too much emotional storage. As we engage in physical activity, we regulate emotions. Physical activities that you can do at home, like walking, exercising and dancing are important for regulating emotions.
Besides, doing whatever your body wants to do when you think about the emotions that make you uncomfortable is important as well. For example, when you focus on the feeling of losing control, there may be a reasonable activity your body is signaling for, like lying down, wriggling your arm or jumping. In this situation, releasing your body allows you to discharge the stored emotions.
Lastly, it is very important to pay attention to your sleep. Try to sleep at least between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. Between these hours, the brain processes the emotions received during the day, picks out the healthy ones, filters them and clears away the unhealthy ones.
